Your Heart Is My Home
by WhatWillBe
Summary: could be seen as a sequel to greed but it isn't necessarily meant to be Spock didn't think Jim would return.


**Your Heart is My Home**

**a/n: **could be seen as a sequel to greed, but it isn't necessarily meant to be. Not sure how I feel about this piece. It was my first attempt at writing full sex but I sort of chickened out at the end.

**summary: **Spock didn't think Jim would return.

Jim gasped for breath as he tore his mouth away from Spock's chest heaving before he blindly reached for him again. The two stumbled onto the bed, pants strewn on the floor and shirts twisted awkwardly around their torsos as impatient hands desperately sought skin.

Jim splayed his hand on Spock's side, feeling the wild heartbeat beneath his fingertips. Spock didn't lose rhythm, his mouth capturing Kirk's again in a way that was both frenzied and violent. Warm hands skittered down his body, just as urgent as Jim's.

"_God_-" Jim choked out once the Vulcan's lips made a sloppy line from his jaw to his throat. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

He only got a muffled grunt against his skin in response, but the frantic tension in the air drained. Spock's tongue made a smooth dance across the cooler flesh before his hands slid back up his mate's body to cradle his face reverently. Spock pulled back, brown eyes searing against blue. Then he leaned down slowly and placed the gentlest kiss to Jim's forehead. He moved, lips brushing against the side of Jim's face before claiming his mouth once more, this time softly.

"_Ashayam." _The word was breathed against his skin. Jim could only kiss him back and mumble a few more _'I'm sorry, sorry…' _

"Never again."

"I can't…_ah-_" Jim gasped as Spock slid a finger inside of him, twisting just shy of where he needed him. "_Please._"

"I can't lose you." The words were quiet, heartbreaking. Jim was spiraling out of control, lost in the haze of all that was Spock; his scent, his voice his touch.

"_Sorry-_" He rasped, unable to form any decent reply as a second finger was added. "I…_shit, please,_ I had _to_, I couldn't risk anybody else…."

The fingers were removed, but before Jim could speak he felt the head of Spock's cock push in, slowly consuming him. "_I _cannot risk you, Jim."

Again, the words were soft. Jim gave a broken moan, fingers scrabbling to latch on to the Vulcan's shoulders, holding him there as the pace continued at a maddeningly slow pace. Spock lowered his head, muttering a word in Vulcan before biting Jim's shoulder.

"Yours," Jim agreed, only guessing as to what had been said. He figured he was correct when Spock repeated the sentiment before kissing him silent.

"I cannot lose you," Spock repeated. "_Taluhk-veh_." His fingers lightly pressed against Kirk's face, who nodded his consent, and let his t'hy'la's mind fill his completely.

_________

As a Vulcan, he should have felt ashamed.

As a concerned, confused, and fearfully hopeful bondmate, he found that for the moment his Vulcan self could crawl to the dark recess of his mind and remain there until the situation was stable again.

12.9 hours ago, Jim Kirk had left the Enterprise on a suicide mission, and for 12.7 hours Spock had been in his room, curled on the floor attempting to meditate, but unable to think away the black hole ripping apart his heart.

Jim Kirk was a loyal Captain. Loyal to his bondmate, his ship, and his crew. The Enterprise had encountered a hostile species who had threatened to destroy all Federation vessels they encountered.

They had some kind of machine, a device with its target locked on the Enterprise.

And Jim, _Jim_ had beamed down, ordering that no other follow him down. It would only take one to destroy the impending threat, and he had wanted it to be him.

Spock had watched him go, his own emotions tearing him apart as he desperately clung to the straying edges of his control. He had been ready to abandon meditating in favor of simply giving in to the pain of losing his t'hy'la, his soul mate.

And then his comm. had beeped. Somehow, he had managed to crawl himself out of the pitch black agony threatening to consume him to answer with shaky control.

_Spock_, the Doctor's voice had cut through, _We found him. Jim's alive._

_Alive_.

_Jim._

_Alive, alive alive. _

Those were perhaps the two most beautiful words in the entire universe.

His mind had been in turmoil. It had been struggling to comprehend the loss of his t'hy'la, and now his pain ignited in the face of relief. He strode to sickbay on trembling legs, his body acting on autopilot, mind no longer in any state to rule.

His feet guided him to a biobed. It was familiar; Jim had spent far too much time in it previously to be anything but. And there he was, golden skin turned pale, blue eyes drawn shut, bruises marking his exposed arm.

Spock's body betrayed him, as he collapsed on the chair beside the bed. His shaking fingers reached for Jim's upturned palm, dancing lightly over familiar flesh.

"He's going to be fine." McCoy's, quiet voice startled him. Spock jerked, hand tightening around Jim's wrist.

"May I inquire as to what happened?" He managed to ask calmly, albeit softly.

"Damn fool beamed down, blocked the transport so we couldn't follow." The Doctor's accent spilled out in his protective fury. "Thankfully, ever since the last incident when he tried to save the landing party, Scotty's been prepared for something like this. Security team beamed down and got him out of there the second he set the detonator off."

Spock gazed down at his bondmate's form. "And what of the hostiles?"

"I don't know. Fuck 'em. We have Jim."

Spock swallowed, caressing Jim's arm before pressing lightly to the pulse in his wrist. He could hear the machine beeping behind him, but he found he craved the reassurance. "What is the extent of his injuries?"

"The blast knocked him down, but he managed to run a good enough distance away that he only suffered a concussion." Leonard sighed. "Damn fool child. Always has to be the hero."

Spock found he could not say anything. There was something blocking his throat, some unidentified lump circumventing all thoughts except for _Jim's alive, he's here, here, alive, mine…_

Jim shifted on the bed, his sluggish heart rate increased slightly as his blue eyes cracked open. He blinked, struggling against the fog of his mind. He finally settled his gaze on the Vulcan beside him. "Spock?"

The fingers moving on his palm tightened into an embrace. "Captain," He answered quietly.

"Spock…" Jim let out a shaky breath. "Fuck."

Spock arched a brow. "Indeed."

"You're here."

"Yes," Spock said simply.

"I-" Jim winced as he tried to straighten up. McCoy sprang into immediate action, tricorder already working.

Spock ran a thumb over his hand soothingly. "Relax and you will heal faster."

"I thought I lost you," Jim said hoarsely. "I thought I wasn't- I wouldn't-"

"You are very much alive and safe; there is no need to speculate on what almost occurred."

"Your condition is stable, I already ran tests. I'm going to need you to stay tonight but you should be fine in the morning," Leonard said gruffly. "And if you ever do that again I'll kick your ass."

Jim cracked a smile at his friend. "But then you'll have to fix me up again, Bones."

Bones grumbled before moving away to a table where a hypospray lay. He approached the bed again warily, noting the look of disapproval in Jim's eyes. "This is a sedative. Eight hours, then you can go."

"Uh-uh."

"Jim, you have no choice."

"You are not sticking that in me."

"Don't be difficult."

"Jim, please allow the Doctor to perform his duties. The faster he does so the faster you are released," Spock reasoned. Jim's eyes flickered up to the Vulcan. His fingers tightened around Spock's.

"Stay with me."

"I will be here when you wake."

Jim nodded, and only cursed lightly when the hypospray was administered before submitting to the black.

__________

Jim gasped as he came, his mind returning to himself in the midst of his blissful release. He felt Spock collapse beside him, and his hand automatically reached for his. They lay in silence, heavy breaths punctuating the otherwise silent room.

Finally, Jim swallowed and rolled over to the face the Vulcan, who mimicked his movements. He reached out a hand and traced his face, gliding a finger over the strong jaw and pointed ear. "I won't leave you," Jim said. "Not if I can help it."

It wasn't exactly the promise Spock was looking for. But when it came to Jim Kirk, he knew it was the best he would get. "I promise the same as well."

Jim gave a tiny smile before scooting closer, ignoring the heat of the Vulcan body in favor of his own need for contact. "Good. 'Cause the way I see it, you are stuck with me forever and ever."

Spock arched a brow. "I suppose I will simply have to endure it."

Jim gave a shocked smile. _"You made a joke!"_ He stated almost proudly, before laughing and pressing his face into the Vulcan's shoulder. "I love you."

"_Taluhk nash-veh k'dular__." _

For some unexplainable reason, Jim was sure his heart would explode in that moment. He buried even deeper into the warmth that was Spock, and tried to fight the large, foolish grin adorning his face.

He was home.


End file.
